


Autistic Creative Challenge: Fifth Doctor

by AutisticWriter



Series: Autistic Headcanons [71]
Category: Doctor Who
Genre: #redinstead, Ableism, Acceptance, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Asexual Character, Asexual Doctor (Doctor Who), Attempt at Humor, Autism, Autism Spectrum, Autistic Adric, Autistic Creative Challenge, Autistic Doctor (Doctor Who), Autistic Fifth Doctor, Background Tegan Jovanka/Nyssa of Traken, Bathing/Washing, Bickering, Bisexual Female Character, Canonical Character Death, Coming Out, Cricket, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dialogue-Only, Double Drabble, Drabble Collection, Echolalia, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Food Issues, Friendship, Gay Male Character, Grief/Mourning, Hand Flapping, Holidays, Homoromantic Asexual Fifth Doctor, Hotels, Hugs, Kissing, LGBTQ Themes, Lesbian Character, Monopoly (Board Game), Multi, Neurodiversity, Nonverbal Communication, Phone Calls & Telephones, Post Serial: s126 Terminus, Post-Serial: s121 Earthshock, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pride, Sensory Overload, Silly, Special Interests, Spoon Theory, Stimming, Trans Fifth Doctor, Trans Male Character, sensory issues, shutdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-11-29 10:19:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 6,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11438814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutisticWriter/pseuds/AutisticWriter
Summary: A collection of double drabbles written for uniqueaspergirl's Autistic Creative Challenge. These drabbles focus on the Fifth Doctor, whom I headcanon as autistic.





	1. #redinstead

“You know you recommended the ‘Neurodiversity’ section of the databank?” Adric says, sitting down beside the Doctor. He spins his Fidget Spinner again, loving the sound it makes. “Well, you were right. It really is a fascinating read.”

The Doctor raises his eyebrows. “I only told you about it last night, Adric.”

“I know,” Adric says. He grins. “I’m a fast reader.”

“You certainly are,” the Doctor says.

Since they both came out as autistic yesterday, Adric has noticed a marked difference in both his and the Doctor’s behaviour. They’re both stimming more openly, because they don’t have to hide it anymore. Which is why the Doctor’s legs are bouncing and he’s fluttering his fingers in front of his eyes.

“I read about this movement called Red Instead. And I was wondering if that’s why the badge you gave me is red.” As he speaks, Adric runs his fingertip across the smooth surface of his Neurodiversity badge.

“Yes, it is,” the Doctor says. “Autistic people often use red for everything, even when they’re not doing activism. It’s sort of a mark of solidarity, a way of standing together.”

Adric stands up.

“Where are you going?”

“To change into something red.”


	2. Stimming

Turlough loves seeing the Doctor stim. Especially because he knows just how much his partner has felt the need to suppress his stims and other autistic traits in the past. According to Tegan, the Doctor only started expressing himself around the time he and Adric (a boy Turlough never met; also autistic, Adric died, and Tegan and the Doctor still get a bit teary whenever someone mentions his name) came out as autistic. But he is glad the Doctor stims now, because he deserves to express himself.

And he loves seeing him stim. From the way his hands flap with excitement or fear, to the way he runs his fingers through his soft blond hair, to the way he paces around the control room when he is trying to think of something... they are all lovely to see.

It’s less obvious, but the Doctor also pressure stims. His chest binder provides him with pressure across his torso, and he and Turlough sleep under a weighted blanket. Sometimes, he gets Tegan or Turlough to sit on his legs, just because the pressure soothes him.

And he also loves tight hugs, Turlough squeezing him tightly as they cuddle and share a kiss.


	3. Special Interest

Ever since he regenerated, the Doctor has loved cricket. When he was struggling during his worst regeneration yet, stumbling around the TARDIS and shredding a scarf that seemed oddly familiar, he found a room full of cricket equipment. It was as though the TARDIS knew what his new special interest was going to be before he did (and she probably did, knowing his TARDIS).

Cricket is part of every aspect of his life. He wears cricket gear even when he isn’t playing, he stims by caring for his cricket equipment (polishing balls and cleaning leg guards and keeping the bat in good condition) and throwing cricket balls in the air, he often uses cricket jargon without meaning to in conversation, and he reads huge books about the history of cricket, sitting up at night when nightmares keep him awake.

Sometimes, when they land on a planet where nothing tries to kill them, the Doctor gets them to play cricket. Well, Tegan does; Adric (who has poor coordination) is the umpire and Nyssa (who hates sports) cheers like a one person crowd. And they have lots of fun, the Doctor glad to be sharing his love of cricket with his friends.


	4. Communication

It’s been hours since he had the shutdown, but the Doctor is still nonverbal. He, Tegan and Turlough are still sat in the control room, because it is the only place in the TARDIS where the Doctor can type onto a screen. And he needs to be able to type, because that’s how he communicates when he is nonverbal.

But it isn’t exactly comfortable in here, and, despite knowing the Doctor’s needs are more important, Tegan is bored stiff. But she doesn’t want to leave the Doctor, so she just tries to distract herself.

“How’re you feeling, Doctor?” she asks for the fifth time, still careful to keep her voice quiet.

 **Better than earlier,** he types slowly. **Thank you. Where’s Turlough?**

She thought the Doctor noticed him go. He must have been dissociating at the time; that happens when he’s really stressed.

“He went to get your weighted blanket. He thought it might help.”

The Doctor smiles. **That’s a good idea.**

They sit in silence, waiting for Turlough to return. The Doctor sits on his hands, obviously craving pressure.

When Turlough returns, he carefully covers the Doctor with the thick, heavy blanket.

 **Thank you** , the Doctor types, grasping Turlough’s hand.


	5. Freebie

Somewhere in the depths of the TARDIS (even the Doctor isn’t exactly sure where they are), the Doctor, Tegan, Adric and Nyssa sit crowded around a small table, playing a classic Earth board game by the name of Monopoly.

The Doctor is rocking back and forth to help himself concentrate. Nyssa has fallen asleep and so been left out of this game. Adric has his chewable stim necklace in his mouth (he hasn’t stopped chewing it since the Doctor gave it to him). And Tegan, who is in last place, is getting increasingly wound up.

It is Tegan’s go. Holding her breath, she throws the dice—

And she rolls a three.

“Damn!” Tegan mutters.

“Yes!” Adric cries, flapping his hands. His voice comes out muffled because he doesn’t take his chewy necklace out of his mouth. “One hundred pounds, please!”

Tegan sighs and reluctantly gives Adric the money. Delighted, Adric adds the money to the large pile and clasps his hands together. The grin on his face even makes Tegan smile.

The Doctor loves nights like this, where they all spend time together. And, despite how they all moan about Games Night, the Doctor knows the others love them too.


	6. Food

“Doctor! Tell Adric he can’t have any more crisps!”

“But I like them! And I’ve only had three packets today anyway.”

“That’s not the point. Doctor!”

The Doctor looks up from his book, and finds himself looking at an annoyed Tegan and an indignant Adric. He had been trying to relax, but something has obviously come up. Again.

“What’s the problem?” he asks.

“He keeps eating all the crisps,” Tegan says, glaring at Adric. “They’re for all of us, and it’s not good for him, anyway.”

“You’re not my mother, Tegan,” Adric mutters, bouncing up and down. “And I like them.”

Tegan sighs. “I know you like them. But we do too.”

The Doctor sighs too. “Look, you two, if you stop bickering, we can have a proper chat. Now, Tegan, I know Adric’s eating habits annoy you, but he has a very restricted diet. His sensory issues mean crisps are one of the few things he can eat. And, Adric, crisps are unhealthy, so maybe you shouldn’t eat too many packets in a day. All right?”

They look at each other, and then nod reluctantly.

“Right,” he says, sighing. “Now if it’s all right, I’d like read my book.”


	7. Spoons

The Doctor is exhausted. Every part of his body aches, and his brain feels all fuzzy. Even stimming is effort, and he just wants to sleep. But the achiness won’t let him.

“How about a bath?” Turlough suggests, watching the Doctor stretch his aching arms.

He smiles. “That’s a great idea.”

So the Doctor sits on their bed as Turlough rushes around running a bath and getting everything ready for the Doctor’s bath. When it is ready, Turlough leaves him alone to get undressed, knowing how body conscious he is. The Doctor strips off and then slips into the bath. Turlough has run the water just at the temperature the Doctor likes, and the soothing warmth seems to relax every muscle in his body.

The Doctor adds more bubble bath until the bubbles cover his whole body (he already feels bad enough without triggering his gender dysphoria), and then sinks down into the warm water, loving the sweet floral smell of the bubble bath and the perfect temperature of the bathwater. This was such a good idea of Turlough’s.

 

Later, when they are in bed, the Doctor snuggles up beside Turlough.

“Thanks for the bath.”

Turlough kisses him. “You’re welcome."


	8. Crowd

The Doctor readjusts his ear defenders so they block out as much noise as possible, and flaps his hands. The crowded streets are far too loud; he is certainly regretting visiting here on a national holiday. But despite the noise, the Doctor can just about cope. Although Adric seems to be struggling.

Adric insisted that he didn’t need ear defenders, but his earplugs don’t seem to be blocking out enough noise. He is visibly distressed, his hands flapping violently as he struggles to stay calm. And then there’s a huge clanging noise and Adric bolts.

“Adric!” the Doctor yells, and he, Tegan and Nyssa rush after him.

When they find him, Adric has dropped to his knees, rocking backwards and forwards with his hands clamped over his ears. He is making a strange whining noise, his face screwed up. But what distresses him the most is that all of the people near Adric, rather than offering him help, are just staring at him. Don’t they realise how much pain he’s in?

They kneel beside him, cradling Adric in a tight group hug. The Doctor puts his ear defenders over Adric’s head, and they help him up back to the TARDIS.


	9. Phone Calls

After a day trip to a lovely seaside town somewhere in England, in which nothing tried to kill them and Adric and Nyssa experienced some new things such as ice cream and 1980s arcades, none of them actually want their holiday to end. So they decide not to go back to the TARDIS tonight, and to check into a hotel instead.

It is only a small hotel on the outskirts of the town, but they all take a shine to it. And, once the ~~argument~~ discussion about who gets what bed is out of the way, they all get ready for bed.

The Doctor is in the bathroom when he hears Adric’s voice.

“...Can I order room service, please?”

The Doctor sprays mouthwash all over the mirror. He flings the door open, and finds Adric on the phone.

“Yes, that’s great. Thanks.”

“Adric!” the Doctor cries, but Adric has already put the phone down.

Adric stares at him, confused. “What?”

“We have to pay for room service.”

“Really? I thought it was free?”

“Nothing’s free in a hotel, Adric,” Tegan adds.

Adric grins bashfully. “Oops.”

Sighing, the Doctor shakes his head, and dials reception to try and cancel the order.


	10. Labels

“Doctor...? Can I ask you a question?” Adric asks, twisting the dice between his fingers.

It’s supposed to be games night, but everyone seems to have got bored. Tegan and Nyssa have fallen asleep, their heads nodding together, and the Doctor has long since lost interest.

“Of course you can,” he says.

Adric starts to rock as he stares at the Monopoly board, looking anxious. “I was... I was wondering how, how you’d feel if... if someone you were close to, uh... realised they weren’t straight and came out as gay?”

Adric’s face flushes, and the Doctor knows who the someone is.

“Well,” he says, smiling reassuringly. “I would reassure that someone and tell them that I’m not straight either. I’m homoromantic asexual, otherwise known as gay ace. And I’d also remind them that those two,” he nodded towards Tegan and Nyssa, “aren’t straight either. With me being gay and two of my companions being a lesbian and bisexual, I really would be a hypocrite to reject that gay someone.”

Adric looks incredibly relieved, smiling and stimming with the dice. “That’s brilliant. Because... that someone is me.”

The Doctor smiles. “I know.”

“Thank you,” Adric says, giving him a hug.


	11. Collection

Tegan follows the Doctor into the TARDIS’s designated Cricket Room, her eyes widening in disbelief. The walls and shelves are covered in cricket miscellanea, and the many cupboards are stuffed full of yet more cricket gear. She knew the Doctor likes cricket, but this is ridiculous.

“How much stuff’s in here, Doctor?” she asks, staring around the room.

“I’m not actually sure. There’s too much to count,” the Doctor says, smiling bashfully.

“You don’t say,” Tegan mutters, still amazed that he has so much cricket stuff.

 

* * *

 

“How many have you got now, Doctor?” Nyssa asks as the Doctor throws his new cricket ball up in the air and then catches it, over and over again.

The Doctor frowns in concentration, obviously trying to think. Beside her, Tegan raises her eyebrows.

“Including this one... fifty seven,” he eventually says, grinning.

 

* * *

 

“Do you really need another cricket bat, Doctor?” Adric asks.

They are stood in a sports shop, the Doctor studying a cricket bat as Adric stims out of boredom and moans about his boredom. The Doctor smiles, acknowledging his comment, but he doesn’t take his eyes from the bat.

“Do you really need another maths book?” he says.

Adric grins. “Touché.”


	12. Sensory Overload

The Doctor groans as the lights flash, the bright, pulsing lights hurting his eyes. He screws his eyes up, but the lights still flicker in front of his closed eyelids. In desperation, he covers his eyes with the palms of his hands, but that doesn’t stop the problem. It’s far too noisy as well as bright. The Doctor lets out a groan, stimming by bouncing his leg violently.

Going to a concert seemed like a good idea at the time, but none of them had considered how _loud_ it is here. Even Nyssa and Tegan seem a bit overwhelmed by the lights and noise, and they’re not Neurodivergent. But the Doctor is, which means he’s struggling far, far more than them.

Beside him, Adric has his hands clamped over his ears and is rocking back and forth. He looks tense, and the Doctor wonders if he might have a meltdown. And the Doctor thinks that he might too.

“Doctor?” Tegan says, nudging his arm. It feels like hot needles. “Should we leave?”

Not sure he can speak, the Doctor nods his head. When he moves his hand, he sees Tegan smile.

“Come on,” she says softly. “Let’s go somewhere quiet.”


	13. Autistic Character

“Do you ever wish that the media was more... diverse?” Adric asks, putting his chewy necklace in his mouth.

“Frequently,” the Doctor says.

“You mean wishing there were lesbians in films who don’t die?” Nyssa asks.

“Or bisexual characters who are actually said to be bi?” Tegan says.

Adric nods. “Yes, that. Because it’s all so... white, cis, straight and abled, isn’t it? I mean, it would be so amazing to see some actual diversity, wouldn’t it?”

“I’d like to see autistic characters that aren’t horrible stereotypes or made into jokes,” the Doctor says, a slightly wistful expression on his face.

Adric sighs. “And that. Do you know what I think is really bad?”

“What?” Nyssa says.

“That we’re all from different planets and places in time, yet we’ve all been failed by the media,” Adric says, and everyone shares a look that shows they all know exactly what he means.

The Doctor sighs and they fall silence. Then Tegan says, “Sometimes I think I should write a book. I mean, I know I’m not a good writer, but I just think we deserve to see characters like us. And that’ll probably only happen if we write our own stories.”


	14. Nonverbal

Most of the time, Adric can speak. In fact, most of the time he can babble on for hours, infodumping about mathematics and astronomy and anything else that fascinates him, even though he worries that he might annoy Tegan and Nyssa (but mainly Tegan). And, although he is far more restrained than Adric, he knows that the Doctor is often the same.

But then there are the times when Adric’s words drift away, and he’s reminded of the speech delay he had when he was young, and he sometimes wonders if being nonverbal was how he was meant to be, if he wasn’t bullied into acting ‘normal’... But he can talk, so he can’t really be sure. But going nonverbal when he can usually talk makes the situation a bit jarring.

The Doctor goes nonverbal too, and it’s comforting to know that someone else has the same experience when everything gets a bit too much. And the Doctor knows what to do, how to type so he can communicate with Tegan and Nyssa, and he’s going to teach them all sign language at some point, and it just makes Adric feel much better about himself to know he’s not alone.


	15. Stim Toys

“What on Earth is that, Adric?” Tegan asks as she enters the room.

Adric is sat on the floor, holding a bizarre object between his thumb and forefinger and flicking it so it spins. He did have his eyes closed, looking rather calm as he spun the gadget, but he jumps when she speaks and glares at her.

“Tegan! You made me jump,” he says indignantly.

“Sorry,” she says, walking towards him. “I just wanted to know what that thing is. I’ve never seen anything like it before.”

“This?” Adric says. “It’s my fidget spinner. It’s a stim toy, just like my chewable necklace.”

He spins it again, so fast it merges into one big blur.

“Would you like a go?” Adric asks.

“Thanks.” Tegan takes the stim toy and spins it. It’s quite nice, especially the quite whirring noise it makes as it spins. After spinning it a few times, she gives it back to Adric. “It’s nice. I can see why you like it.”

Adric smiles. “Thanks. And you can have one if you like. The Doctor’s got a whole box of them somewhere.”

And Tegan grins at Adric and then sets off to track the Doctor down.


	16. Autistic Utopia

The Doctor loves it when he can be himself. He still struggles to act normally in front of strangers, but he can let his guard down around people he is close to; people he trusts.

He can stim without fear of ridicule (or worse), flapping his hands when he’s happy and knowing he won’t get laughed at. No one sets off his sensory problems and ends up causing a shutdown, because they understand how his sensory issues work. He can be out as trans and gay ace because he knows his companions would never reject him (and they can be out too, because the Doctor prides his TARDIS as being a very progressive, accepting place to live).

And he can do all of this when he’s with Turlough. His partner understands how he works, and likes everything about him; he doesn’t want to change him (in fact, he’s always happy to learn more about autism so he can see more easily how the Doctor works). Turlough loves the Doctor for who he is, and the Doctor loves him back exactly the same way. And that’s how love should always be; you should never have to pretend you’re someone you’re not.


	17. Inspiration

“I’m so glad we met, Doctor,” Adric says one evening, his face going red. “Sorry. That sounded weirder than it did in my head. I just mean... I’m glad we’re friends.”

The Doctor smiles. “I’m glad we’re friends too, Adric.”

“I don’t really know how to explain it, but it made me so... happy when you told me that you’re autistic. I mean, I’d never met another autistic person before, and for that person to be someone like you... I don’t know...”

“Someone like me?” the Doctor says.

“You know, someone who’s done so many amazing things,” Adric says. “And I know this must sound sycophantic but I don’t mean to. I just... when I met you I felt so inspired by everything you’ve done, how you’ve helped so many people and are always saving the universe. And then you told me you’re autistic too and... I can’t... I saw someone just like me doing all these things I always thought I’d never be able to do and I realised... that I can be like you and... and, and... I can do anything I put my mind to.”

And the Doctor smiles and gives him a hug.

“Thank you, Adric.”


	18. Puzzle Pieces

“Do you ever see someone with a puzzle piece tattoo and just... shudder?” Adric asks.

“What d’you mean?” Tegan says, and the Doctor glances up from his book to listen to their conversation.

“I mean, have you ever seen someone with a tattoo of that horrible autism awareness puzzle piece and just felt horrible because they must have an autistic person in their life and if... if they use that symbol... then I worry about the autistic person, because that’s not...” Adric sighs. “I don’t know what I’m trying to say.”

But the Doctor understands. “You mean that you worry how they treat the autistic people they know because that symbol implies they’ve learned a lot of bigoted things about autism?”

Adric smiles. “Yes, exactly!”

“Well, I see what you mean now,” Tegan says, clearly glad for the Doctor’s more concise explanation. “But... yeah... that’s a good point. I wouldn’t like to be their kid.”

Adric sighs. “Yeah, I saw a woman with one last week when we were in America. And I saw a kid with her and I just hope they weren’t autistic, because I wouldn’t want to live with someone like that.”

“Me neither,” the Doctor mutters.


	19. Routine

“Doctor, what’s this for?” Adric asks, wandering into the room with a piece of paper in his hand.

The Doctor takes the paper and finds himself looking at his morning routine chart. “Where did you find this, Adric?”

“Um... your room,” Adric says, and he gulps. “Did I do something wrong? Sorry, I was just interested.”

The Doctor sighs. “No, it’s all right. It’s a morning routine chart. I’ve had it for ages.”

Adric sits down beside him, pulling his fidget spinner out of his pocket. “Why do you need a routine chart?”

“Well...” the Doctor smiles awkwardly, annoyed with himself for getting embarrassed when talking about something like this, because needing a reminder when to do things isn’t a bad thing. “I get... I sometimes... well, struggle to remember to do things if I don’t have the chart to remind me what to do and when...” he trails off, not knowing what else to say.

Adric flicks his fidget spinner, holding it up to his ear so he can hear it whirring. He smiles, clearly an attempt to look reassuring. “It’s all right, Doctor. I don’t think that’s bad. I was just interested. It sounds like a good idea.”


	20. Animal or Pet

“Nyssa!”

“Yes?”

“Where did you get it?”

“Get what?”

“That right there. The goat. Where did you get it?”

“Umm...”

“Nyssa?”

“She got it from outside. There’s loads of them out there.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I think we’ve landed on some kind of farm.”

“Well, wherever we are, put it back, Nyssa.”

“Can’t I keep it?”

“No, it doesn’t belong to you. It’s stealing. And why do you want a goat anyway?”

“It’s sweet.”

“No offense, Nyssa, but how can a goat be sweet?”

“It’s sweeter than you, Tegan!”

“Shut up, Adric!”

“Look, everyone be quiet! Tegan and Adric, please stop bickering. And Nyssa, put the goat back. This is a TARDIS, not a petting zoo.”

 

* * *

 

“Adric!”

“Yeah?”

“Why is there a parrot in your bedroom?”

“Well... before you get annoyed, Doctor—”

“Put it back, Adric! For goodness sake, what is it with you three this week?”

 

* * *

 

“Tegan!”

“I think the Doctor’s found the dogs, Tegan.”

“Right, I’m out of here. See you later.”

“Where’s Tegan?”

“Um...”

“Adric, tell me where Tegan is.”

“I don’t know. Why? What’s she done?”

“She’s somehow managed to collect thirteen dogs!”

“Cool! Can I see?”

“For goodness’ sake!”

“Can we keep them, Doctor?”

“No.”

“Please?!”

“...”


	21. Honesty

“Um... Doctor?”

An anxious looking Adric wanders into the room, twisting his fidget spinner as he stares down at his feet. The Doctor sighs, having waited for this to happen. He smiles reassuringly, but Adric isn’t looking at him.

“Yes?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

Adric sits down beside him, giving the Doctor an awkward smile.

The Doctor nods. “Of course.”

“Well... why is Tegan annoyed with me?”

 

_“What do you think of it, Adric?” Nyssa says, spinning on the spot and her new dress fluttering around her._

_“Well, I think it’s a nice fabric,” Adric says, a bit awkwardly. “But I think it’s a bit puffy. And I don’t think the colour suits you that well.”_

_Nyssa stares down at the ground, the smile sliding from her face._

_“Adric!” Tegan cries, putting her arm around Nyssa. “That was mean!”_

_“What’ve I done?” Adric says, his eyes wide._

The Doctor takes a deep breath, and proceeds to explain a social rule that confused him for a long time. When he’s finished, Adric seems enlightened.

“I see,” he says. “I hurt Nyssa’s feelings, didn’t I?”

The Doctor smiles. “A bit.”

“I didn’t mean to. But I’ll go and say sorry.”


	22. Favourite Place

It’s been a great day, but now the Doctor, Tegan and Turlough are exhausted. Which is why they are lying on a blanket on top of a hill watching the sun set and the many moons rise into the red sky. Well, Tegan and Turlough are; the Doctor is nearly falling asleep, his eyes closed.

“I love it here,” Tegan says, stretching her arms above her head.

Turlough yawns and leans his head against the Doctor’s shoulder. “Me too.”

“And me,” the Doctor says, keeping his eyes closed. “I knew you’d love it. That’s why I brought you here.”

“Well, you were right,” Turlough says softly.

“As always,” the Doctor says, raising his eyebrows as he grins.

He opens his eyes and sees Tegan and Turlough looking at him. He pulls an indignant expression, and Tegan laughs.

“What?”

“You’re such an idiot,” she says, smiling fondly as she laughs.

“Excuse me!” Turlough says, sitting up.

“I think she means it as a compliment, Turlough,” the Doctor says, laughing.

Turlough shrugs his shoulders, smiling. “Whatever. I’m tired. Let’s go to sleep.”

The Doctor lies back down, resting his head against Turlough’s shoulder.

“Good idea,” he mumbles, and he closes his eyes.


	23. Happiness

“I like living in the TARDIS,” Adric says, spinning his fidget spinner around repeatedly.

Nyssa yawns, leaning her head against Tegan’s shoulder. “So do I.”

“Me too,” Tegan says, putting her arm around Nyssa.

“What’s that?” the Doctor asks without looking up from his book.

“I said I like living in the TARDIS,” Adric says, holding the spinner up to his ear and listening to the whirring sound. “And Nyssa and Tegan do too.”

“I see,” the Doctor says. He closes his book and looks at Adric, his eyebrows raised inquisitively. “Why do you like it here, Adric?”

Adric’s face flushes and he spins the fidget spinner again. “I’m not really sure how to phrase it... I suppose it’s because I feel like I can be myself here. I can stim and talk about my autism... and I can be out without fear of homophobia... yes... I just feel... accepted here. And I like that.”

“I feel like that too,” Nyssa says, and Tegan nods.

“And there’s the fact that the TARDIS is really cool and we go to lots of interesting places,” Adric says, and he laughs. “But mainly the first bit.”

The Doctor smiles. “Mainly the first bit.”


	24. Support

“What did you used to do when you had a meltdown before you met the Doctor?” Nyssa asks, spinning one of the Doctor’s spare fidget spinners.

“Honestly?” Adric says.

She nods. “Yes, honestly.”

Adric sighs. “I just... well, I used to just deal with it alone.”

“Do you mean no one helped you through it?” Nyssa asks, thinking of the times Adric has had a meltdown in public and her and Tegan and the Doctor all saying soothing things and trying to get him somewhere quiet.

“That exactly. Being autistic was seen as a bad thing... and showing traits was therefore bad too. So no one would help. In fact, I would get punished if someone saw me panicking or having a meltdown... and that would make the meltdown worse and...” he smiles sadly. “I think you can see the problem.”

Nyssa stares at her friend, and wants to hug him. But Adric doesn’t like being hugged unannounced, so he pats his arm. “That’s horrible. I’m so sorry your life was like that.”

Adric shrugs, but his bottom lip trembles. “It’s fine. It was ages ago. And life is good now. Everyone cares about me here. And that’s what’s important.”


	25. Freebie

“Now tell me if I do it wrong,” the Doctor says, “because I’ve never done this before.”

He opens the face paint packet, and begins to paint a red line across Adric’s cheek. Adric flinches slightly and laughs.

“That tickles!” he says.

The Doctor raises his eyebrows. “That isn’t helping.”

 

* * *

 

“How do I look?” Nyssa says, edging awkwardly into the room.

Tegan looks her girlfriend up and down, and smiles. “Beautiful.”

Nyssa blushes. “Silly. But is the skirt all right?”

“It suits you,” Tegan says, holding her hand. “Can you help me with my makeup?”

 

* * *

 

Nearly an hour later, the four of them meet in the TARDIS console room. The Doctor looks at his companions, and grins. Tegan is wearing a T-shirt patterned with the bisexual pride flag, and has a similar motif going on with her eye shadow. Nyssa is wearing a long skirt in the colours of the lesbian pride flag. Adric has a gay pride flag painted across both sides of his face (they are a bit wonky, but the Doctor did his best). And the Doctor looks at his asexual pride jumper, and clasps his hands together.

“Right then. Are you ready to go to Pride?”


	26. Echolalia

When the Doctor finally starts processing again, he finds himself sat on the floor in the TARDIS, staring at the fragments of a broken badge. He has obviously had a shutdown, and considering how cold and stiff he is, he must have been spaced out for a long time. But he can understand why; after all, it isn’t every day he goes through a situation in which one of his best friends... died.

He felt too numb at the time, but now the Doctor feels tears in his eyes. He lets them dribble down his face, and he picks up a piece of Adric’s broken badge. He feels so broken.

 

* * *

 

“I can’t calm down!”

The Doctor comes around again as Nyssa yells, her voice cracking with sobs. She storms into the room, tears streaming down her face.

“Please, Nyssa,” Tegan pleads. “Calm down-”

“I can’t calm down. Adric is dead!” she cries, and she grabs a piece of the badge before running out of the room.

 

* * *

 

“Adric is dead.”

Those are the first words he says when his speech returns.

“Adric is dead.”

It is all he can say.

Tegan and Nyssa stare at him, and Nyssa bursts into tears.


	27. Colour

It has been a week since Adric... since the freighter crash, and life in the TARDIS is still horrible.

Tegan has barely slept, and just feels numb and exhausted all the time. She has huge bags under her eyes, which are all bloodshot from crying and lack of sleep.

The Doctor can’t seem to go more than a few hours without having a shutdown. He is almost constantly nonverbal, not that he communicates much in other ways; he just doesn’t want to talk to anyone. His movements are slow and laboured, and he always seems to be staring at the floor. He won’t look at the view screen, and Tegan knows it because of what they saw on it last time.

And poor Nyssa has cried herself to sleep every night in Tegan’s arms, sobbing about Adric and how much she misses him. Her eyes are constantly red and swollen from crying, and her face is pale as Tegan’s from living in a state of near-constant exhaustion. And Tegan understand, because grieving is exhausting.

Basically, they are all struggling, and Tegan knows things will never be the same again. They miss Adric so much, and they just want him back.


	28. Empathy

Tegan looks miserable as they walk back to the TARDIS. And the Doctor understands why: they have just said goodbye to Nyssa, and it’s hitting Tegan hard, because Nyssa is her girlfriend. He wants to say something to comfort her, but he has no idea what.

Inside the TARDIS, Tegan immediately rushes off to her bedroom. And the Doctor’s chest feels all tight as he hears her leave, because he thinks she might be crying. It hurts him so much to hear her cry. And it hurts him even more to know there is nothing he can do to help.

 

* * *

 

Several hours later, the Doctor knocks on her bedroom door.

“Tegan?” he calls. “Can I come in?”

There’s a long pause, but then Tegan sighs and opens the door. The Doctor looks at her, and seeing her puffy, tear soaked face makes him want to cry.

“Can we have a talk?”

Tegan simply nods, and they both sit on the edge of her bed.

He sighs and flaps his hands. “I just wanted to say I’m so sorry about Nyssa. And… if you want to talk, I’m always happy to listen.”

Tegan smiles weakly. “Thanks.”

And the Doctor hugs her.


	29. Overthinking

“What’s the matter with you two?” Tegan asks, wandering into the TARDIS control room.

The Doctor and Turlough are muttering to each other and scribbling on a notepad and scrolling through the databank, occasionally shoving each other aside or snatching the notepad from the other man’s hands. They look focused, but the Doctor’s leg is bouncing up and down and Turlough is drenched in sweat (an exaggeration, but he is really sweaty).

They both jump slightly as she speaks, obviously not having heard her enter the room. The Doctor looks up, and he gives Tegan a vacant smile.

“Hello, Tegan,” he says. “We’re busy with this. It’s not going to plan.”

“Can I help?”

Turlough scoffs. “It’s highly technical scientific jargon, Tegan. I don’t think you’d understand.”

Tegan elbows him. “Don’t patronise me. I was just thinking that another person’s view might help.”

“That’s a good point,” the Doctor says, and Tegan and Turlough pull faces at each other. “What do you think, Tegan?”

She glances at their endless scribbled notes, and says, “I think you’re overthinking it. Just try and simplify the problem.”

“Good idea,” the Doctor says, and he deletes their programme and starts again. “Simplify the problem.”


	30. Neurotypical

Five hours ago, Tegan gave the Doctor a present. And she hasn’t seen him since.

_“I’ve got a gift for you, Doctor,” she said, and she handed the Doctor a small wrapped parcel._

_He took it and unwrapped it, and the small, red badge fell into his hand. Patterned with a Neurodiversity symbol, it was identical to the badge he once gave Adric. The Doctor obviously realised this, because his smile was beautiful. But then his face crumpled, his eyes filling with tears._

_And he rushed out of the room before Tegan could say anything._

A bit worried about him, she decides to track him down. His bedroom seems the obvious place for him to be, so that’s where she looks.

“Doctor?” she calls, knocking on the door. “Are you in there?”

She hears whispering, and then the Doctor says, “I’m here. You can come in.”

Tegan finds him and Turlough sat on the bed. The Doctor is holding the badge, and his eyes are red.

“Are you all right?” she asks.

He nods. “I think so. It’s a wonderful gift, but… it just made me think of Adric.”

Tegan smiles sadly, and the Doctor pulls her into a hug.


End file.
